Depends, sometimes listening to music.  Other times, blogging.  I like to talk about things though. 

4:33 am  •  11 January 2013
I Forgive You….

The song, “I forgive you” has been playing in my head since my sister played it two nights ago.  ”Back with a brand new attitude because I forgive you” reminds me of who I am now. I finally got my first hungover; it was awful, but I enjoyed finally feeling like I was an adult.  I don’t look eighteen, probably won’t for another two years.  I am loving eighteen though because I have found I have a lot of freedom and choices I can make on my own.  My mom can’t threaten me because I can finally say whatever without fear. 

4:23 am  •  11 January 2013
my new years resolution


I have always wondered how this would come out and could not stop thiking about all the effects after I send this, but my sister told me I needed to do this. It’s hurt me and she says me telling you will make me feel better. So here it goes: Kia, I have been truly hurt by you. I feel like the more I look around and visit old places, the more I realize that all I want in life is someone who cares about my day. I don’t care if it’s a guy. I just want someone to notice me, notice how amazing I was. I could tell you I have so many friends and how grateful I am for them, but I am not sure about that anymore. My best friend doesn’t feel like my best friend; yes, we have both changed and I guess that is what makes it all so hard. I wonder if I had not moved if our friendship would be at where it is now, lost and confused. I feel alone visiting because the dreams of spending late nights at the boardwalk, laughing, doing silly things, and being happy. I honestly forget what it is to be happy. You really have been my rock several times and have saved me, but you don’t know that becasue you don’t text or have any concern about me unless I message you. Yes, you could say I am a little depressed but you try being a military brat. Everyone compliments us on how resilient we are, but I feel that I am at my limit. I want something to stay the same…I will always love my best friend (YOU) and I know we may never get back to where we were; I dream of it, but I know that it will probably never happen. I know I should accept that you have changed and that you are not going to be the same amazing most gorgeous bright best friend, but I can’t. It’s not that I don’t want to; you just taught me so much and I wish you knew how much our friendship means to me. Those hard days when I see a text from you show me what it is to be happy. Even if I had to wait hours for you to respond or bug you all day, you are still my best friend. I reminsce on the days of my childhood. What a happy child I was; all because you were my friend and apart of my life! I wonder if you saw this if maybe you’d understand. I don’t want you to feel like you owe me anything since you really don’t. I just WANT SOMEONE WHO CARES ABOUT ME, MY DAY, AND MY LIFE. I plan to change the world and without friends, I have little motivation to do these things. I love you Kia and you may stop talking to me or maybe you will get it. Either way, you have hurt me and I can’t say what I want without wondering how you will respond. So, if you are hurt by this: just let me know to delete oyur number. Though I know it by heart…I will not be inclined to conitnue on. & One thing, since ULM looks like my new school….don’t make it awkward for us! I love you Kia and I know you changed, but sometimes I can’t stop thinking that maybe the reason you changed was because I left. I wasn’t the best at keeping in touch until it was too late. You really are the reason why I am the way I am and I just want to say…THANK YOU! Happy New Years Love & best of luck in your future endeavors! It was a great eight years…hoping it can continue! 

I sent this text and a message to my best friend of eight years.  I didn’t expect her to respond because she never responded to me in the first place.  It was hard to send and it took many edits.  I don’t know if any of you have ever experienced this, but I decided as my new year’s resolution; I would let her know how she makes me feel.  I didn’t sugarcoat anything; I will always care about her.  I know she cares about me, but not the way I cared about her.  I will pray for her because though we are not close, she did a lot and helped me find who I am. 

3:59 am  •  11 January 2013
nail care

Use nail oil on your nails twice a day and your nail beds should grow; and in about a month you should see a slight difference. 

Use cuticle oil that contains vitamins.

It really works. It took me about 1 year to achieve about a 1/8 of a inch; which is better than none.

I hope to reach my full bed length in about 1 more year or less.

It also depends on how fast your nails grow.

Please do not push back your cuticles during this time; this time is like a healing process.

This really works and is all natural.

3:10 am  •  29 December 2012
MY UF College Essay

I have dreamed of college my whole school carrier, but I never thought it would be possible. I didn’t make the best grades in elementary school. I struggled with math and D was considered a good grade. When I was a little girl, my mom and I were in a bad place with my biological father. My mom finally left him and I knew college was not possible. I knew my mom would have tried her best to find a way, but if my grades kept going down, no college would accept me. Later, my mom met a really great guy. I was amazed that he was so nice to me and did so much for me even though I barely knew him. This man later became my step-dad whom then adopted me and became my dad. For once, I had hope of going to college and I started showing some progression in school. My dad is in the Air Force, and left several times for deployments. He has missed a lot of my life, but deployments have taught me to be independent. I realized that if my mom could do all that she had for me, I could go to college. My dad eventually changed jobs and he stopped deploying. When my dad finally came home for good, he and my mom took me to get tested at Sylvan Learning Center to see where my weaknesses were. We learned I was weak in math, but seemed to grasping everything else well. At this point, things started to turn around for me. I moved in October of 2006, and was placed in a class that helped me with understanding math. My math didn’t really improve until eighth grade with the help of my teacher, Miss Wanner. She showed me just how fun and easy math could be. She tutored me until we moved when I was a sophomore, and now she tutors me via Skype when I struggle. I had never felt so confident in math. After moving from Mississippi to Colorado, I struggled momentarily, but have once again regained confidence in my math skills.

The purpose of this essay was to show you how far I have come, and how I always accomplish something once I set my mind to it. I hope this essay showed that I am determined and I know that being a part of your school would be the best opportunity anyone could possibly give me. While I know there will be challenges along the way, I know I can rise to any occasion and accomplish anything I dream of.

Is it a college-worthy essay?

11:23 pm  •  24 December 2012
senior, class of 2013

Tuesday marks the the beginning of college and end of high school.  I have always dreamed of this moment, LITERALLY.  You know why?  Because I want to achieve my dream/goal/hope of going to medical school one day.  I was talking to my freshmen friend today and if you combine the schooling for college-residency and add the additional 12-13 years of prek-12th; I will have done school most of my life: 29 years is what we calculated.  HOW CRAZY IS THAT!  But, as long as I find out early that this is what I want in life and not when I have almost completed it; I will not mind!  

Here is what I want my graduation to be like:  With 1,500 miles a part from the loved one; HAYDEN…I want to skip my own graduation to see my beautiful classmates of BHS walk across that stage.  I want to kiss my boyfriend, cheer him on, and go out to dinner/lunch with him just because.  Unfortunately, I know my mom will disapprove of this and I am hoping for an alternative as I really want to go see all my friends and cheer my boyfriend on.  The only way graduation will matter to me here is if I get honors and achieve a GPA of 3.5 and get into UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA <3 GO GATORS, but not before my TIGERS

I am enthralled 

3:19 am  •  21 December 2012
my doubts

I am a complicated teenager.  I am indecisive and lack serious beauty/fashion.  My doubts are about GOD though.  I have had a huge time to think and question my role as a christian.  My boyfriend, a baptized firm christian believer, is what I have always longed to have; a relationship with GOD without doubts and faith.  I wonder if it’s because I don’t go to church.  The reason why I don’t go to church; no one to take me, no one to go with, and no one to help me that’s close by.  My mom claims she has this relationship with the LORD, but if she did: WHY WILL SHE NOT TAKE US TO CHURCH?

3:19 am  •  21 December 2012
doubtful about being in a relationship

Having doubts about my relationship status…friday really rocked me! 

3:44 pm  •  15 July 2012
Last Night-Today

So, few of you have heard of the rocky night that occurred last night.  Hayden and I almost broke up.  He mentioned about me feeling just like a friend.  Which I later learned I wasn’t being a very good girlfriend trying to balance spending time with him and seeing my friends.  We have talked and everything has been resolved.

I love you, Hayden Scott Tolley.  Yesterday night changed a lot of things for me, I am still in love with you and that will not ever change.  But, my heart is always cautious of you.  I hope we make it through senior year TOGETHER.  But, if it comes down to it…I will choose my friends over you because I can ALWAYS COUNT ON THEM.  


Today, Saturday July 14, 2012 was a wonderful day/night.  Hayden and I had a rocky morning, but by 10 o’clock things were better.  I worry now that I care more about my friends and I probably do, but like I said…I CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON THEM!  I don’t want to lose them if anything changes; Yes, people grow apart after they graduate high school but I don’t care. Hayden left for work at about 11:30 and did not get home until 5:05. I was getting ready for the group dinner that I planned and I am happy to say that 8 people came.  We all had a ball and I think Hayden enjoyed it.  Now, I am tired and ready to hit the hay.  WONDER WHERE HAYDEN AND I ARE NOW THOUGH SINCE LAST NIGHT.

Much Love,


12:11 am  •  15 July 2012